In lieu of my 3 year wedding anniversary quickly approaching, I thought it’d be fun to make a list of things I wish I knew prior to being married. I’m no marital expert but If I say so myself, I’m a pretty good wife. Well, I think so. We’ll have to ask my husband his opinion later.
My husband and I got married pretty young. Our relationship started off pretty romantic— he slid in ya girl’s dms on a dating app. At the time, I wasn’t too fluent on dating apps and later found out that the specific dating app we met on was a “thot app.” Our first date was horrible. The entire time, my now husband made creepy kidnapping jokes. I distinctly remember clutching my purse tightly in my lap while simultaneously texting my friends my location, just in case his kidnapping jokes weren’t jokes.
After our date we silently vowed to never see each other again but God had other plans. We later crossed paths and began a strange but sweet friendship. Our friendship grew. We dated and shortly after, we married.
I always envisioned my wedding day as an elaborate exclusive love affair with lots of glam and glitter. I never gave too much thought about my actual marriage because I figured that I’d marry this perfect man and we’d live our perfect lives happily ever after. Lies! Lies I tell you! My wedding day was simple. So simple that I dressed in a blue gown with sunflowers throughout my hair. My husband and I exchanged our handwritten vows in front of my pastor, my god mom and her sister. After our “wedding,” we went to Olive Garden. We were poor and struggling but our love was rich.
So this brings me to the 5 top things I wish I knew before getting married.
1. (ONENESS literally means…ONE.) Our first year of marriage consisted of us trying to function as 2 in 1 body. By 1 body I mean, when we made the covenant with ourselves and God, we became one flesh. I don’t think we understood that initially which caused our marriage to suffer.
2. (FORGIVE each other. Allow your spouse to start over with a CLEAN SLATE. To truly do this, one must work at FORGIVENESS daily.) My husband and I had a lot of history before our marriage. Although we knew our love for each other ran deep, we both hadn’t fully forgiven each other for certain past transgressions. We walked into our marriage still holding on to old hurt and quickly learned that our marriage couldn’t grow in dry and bitter soil.
3. (Discover and FOCUS on your spouse’s POSITIVE qualities instead of defects.) I think in general as people, it’s easy to dwell on our peers negative qualities. In marriage you can’t dwell on the things your spouse doesn’t do! Focus on the things he/she does do! By doing this,you change your perspective on your marriage and ultimately your overall relationship.
4. (At some point, you will be DISAPPOINTED and that’s OK.) Guess what? Your husband/wife is human! No one but Jesus himself is perfect. TV and social media feeds us false expectations of marriage and love. The truth is, your spouse will disappoint you and you will disappoint them. It’s ok.
5. Lastly, (KISS each other.) This may sound cheesy but it works. The Bible tells us about not going to bed angry. The best way to ensure that you’re REALLY not angry is to kiss! Kiss each other when you’re sad. Kiss each other when you’re angry. Kiss for fun! Just kiss! Kissing releasing endorphins and often leads to little blessings that walk and talk. Lol
Overall, marriage has taught me to be selfless. Marriage has also taught me that movies like The Note Book or Dear John are far from reality but still fun to force your husband to watch with you. If I had to give you a synopsis of one marital tip I’d say, “Love the Hell out of your spouse.” Marriage is a beautiful thing that takes work.
With that being said, I’ll leave you with something Catherine Zeta-Jones said.
“For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.”
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.”